Sirius Black: Escaping One's Self
by galleons
Summary: Sirius Black is free from Azkaban and yet still a prisoner in his own home and of thoughts of the past. Could it hinder his future and will old habits die hard?
1. Chapter 1: Of T Shirts and Making Fun of

**Sirius Black: Escaping One's Self**

**Chapter 1: Of T-Shirts and Making Fun of Death Eaters**

**Author's Note: **If you haven't read the James and Sirius prequel, the allusions to it might not make much sense. It will be serious, drama in the best sense, and with humor thrown in heavy-handedly. Sirius Black is at Grimmauld Place but there will be many flashbacks.

Reviews would be greatly appreciated because this is a type of fanfic very new to me.

**Disclaimer: **I did not write, nor create, nor seek to profit from writing funny fanfics about the Harry Potter books or characters. This is just for fun! Mischief Managed!

The man sat on the edge of the bed and ran a hand through his dark hair, still trying to shake off sleep. Both of his hands then covered his face and he rubbed vigorously. Sometimes, taking a nap made him feel even more tired now. Up until a few weeks ago it had been a blessing, being able to get some sleep on cold stone floors, covered in dirt, and managing to get an hour or two here and there, without getting caught by dementors, or even the many people and creatures that were out there looking for him, ready to haul him back to Azkaban or worse….

He didn't need anyone to wake him. He glanced at the closed door and heard the loud, high-pitched squawking of the hippogriff that had a room next door to him on the top floor of the multi-floored Black mansion. He smiled wearily and looked away from the door, still hunched over on his bed's edge. He had just given him something to eat a few hours ago. Buckbeak was as frustrated as he was.

He rose from the bed. He had to get up and be wide awake, alert. The first major meeting of the new Order of the Phoenix would begin…..he looked at the watch fob on his brown vest…..

_Twenty minutes or so….._

It depended on how soon all of them arrived, and if they encountered no trouble before arriving.

He walked over to a cracked mirror in the shabby, large, and once ornate bedroom. This week they would really have to get on with it and try to make this place comfortable. He glanced in the mirror, ran another hand through his hair to try to make it at least decently disheveled, and once he felt it was at least presentable, he put his hand down and stopped. His hair usually didn't give him a problem. He didn't need a comb and he hated them, remembering the struggle he put up as a small boy when his house elf nurse tried to smooth the unruly waves. James, however, neither comb nor magic could get his hair, especially his cowlick, neat. He smiled remembering his best friend, really a brother, with a twinge in his gut.

_Well, this was odd….bit of the butterflies today, for some reason._

It was the first meeting, but thankfully, those of the Order knew that Pettigrew was still alive and that he was innocent. Dumbledore had taken on the task of explaining to the other members. He really didn't need people coming in to the house and screaming at him in horror, "Merlin…Sirius Black!" and pointing in fear. He still was a bit nervous though. He knew he would be fine once he got to the dining room. But he had been away from people for 12 years with very little human contact. The warden occasionally, Fudge, a visitor here and there that passed by his cell on their way to see someone else, but the people screaming and going mad in the stone cells next to him and the dementors had been no help when trying to maintain his sanity. The grown men sobbing loudly like children…blood curdling shrieks of women before they grew hoarse and lost their voices for a few days, he remained in his animagus form, lying on the chilly stone floor, with his snout resting on his two front paws.

Once he had eventually gotten control of himself after the initial shock of losing his best friends, and Peter's treachery was a little less of a blow over time and when he gained some sort of acceptance, he set his mind to the task at hand, the only task available to him, survival.

How many times did he have to rally on that drafty stone floor…._positive…positive thoughts…concentrate now…think damn it….when I was sorted into Gryffindor….when Uncle Alphard gave me my financial independence…the very pretty muggle girl in the pub in London last week….James and Lily asking me if I would be godfather to the child they were expecting….yes…yes, he did…he had a godson….someone that he had sworn to protect….he had to survive…he knew the truth…that's it…keep on it!_

It had kept him alive, and sane.

He was being silly. He'd been through worse, he told himself, much worse than others could possibly understand. He wasn't even sure that they could get the depth of it, once he had people around to tell if he wished to. Being locked up so long, knowing you were innocent and no one else being the wiser. How many people had _that_ happened to?

_Worse than any bad dream…..worse than death…_

But then he took a minute when his thoughts flowed in this direction and sighed, forcing his mind to change course. He was free and he could now act. What he had longed to do for ages now…for himself, and for James and Lily…and now for Harry, his godson.

His memories of being a member of the first Order of the Phoenix were bittersweet. Especially right before they first officially joined, him and James…knocking around…stopping some of it on their own. Really, they went after more of the lesser Death Eaters, some who weren't even branded like livestock yet or hoped to be, because Voldemort, at that time and even now, made sure that not all of them were recognizable or known. Later this would cause so much difficulty for Dumbledore's side. Things really didn't move at a faster pace until they developed a closer acquaintance with Dumbledore, their old headmaster back at school. He and James had driven the man's staff and some of his students batty during their school days, but he didn't seem to hold it against them. As if it even mattered any more.

_Bullocks to those clown masks! __James and I knew who half of them were with or without their sodding Death Eater uniforms! Before the threat grew larger…we were overconfident dolts...donning those stupid t-shirts with a bird on them….18….Merlin's beard….35 now…._

It was still very young by wizarding standards but his experiences weren't, but how quickly it had gotten very dangerous. Even before James and Lily had gone into hiding, way before even he had to get rid of his own house and go into hiding as well. He had kept his motorcycle though.

_But the good times! Those bloody t-shirts! _He remembered with a grin.

_Bright yellow with a colorful bird on them…well, at first._ They had been at James's house and they had transfigured the most lurid bird-like creature they could find in old magical creature and spell books. Of course, Lily let them borrow the books because there was fat chance he and James would step foot in a library. Irma Pince had ruined it for them forever, even if there was a slim chance it would be desirable for them.

The two of them had laughed their bloody arses off over some butterbeers in the Potter's kitchen. Everything was funny to them then. This time they had laughed for nearly half an hour straight making fun of the Death Eaters, bent over double, his hand slapping the table, stitch in his side. James had tears in his eyes when Sirius had whipped out his wand and transfigured one of the birds on the t-shirt cock-eyed with ease.

_Lily…._he smiled to himself, _threatened to kick me out and maybe both of them. She had to get up early the next day._

The kitchen grew still for a moment as Lily continued to straighten up in the living room close by.

_Then I couldn't help myself really….again._

"Birds? James…birds?" He had first joked to James, feigning ignorance, that he had plenty of posters of them in bikinis if he needed more examples for the t-shirts. James had laughed heartily at that, in on his joke and double-meaning, and replied in front of Lily who was rolling her eyes.

"Er, a phoenix, of course, Sirius, not girls, you know, Dumbledore's….the one in the office."

"Oh, right," gushed Sirius, in exaggeration, "sorry."

Lily had told them about some muggle tv show that her and her sister had watched when they were little. Also, she explained to both James and Sirius, who were not muggle-born, that muggles didn't believe that wizards and magic existed, however, children and adults seemed to fancy the idea of them and what they called "super-heroes," in muggle things like shows, cartoons, and comic books. And most of these superheroes wore bright costumes and had a sign or some type of symbol associated with them.

_It was the last thing she should have ever told me and James. I think she regretted it for a few days after that….drove the poor thing crazy!_

Sirius looked at James with a smug smile. "Bloody bastards…they can have their black grandma dresses like they say You-Know-Who wears….well, we will have uniforms, too! Actually James, Avery quite resembles my old grandmama…"

"To think we couldn't wait until we didn't have to wear the Hogwarts uniforms after graduation….and now here we are, Sirius." James laughed and wiped his eyes that were still wet from laughing at him as they discussed what their Order of the Phoenix "uniform" would be like.

And how they would wear the t-shirts the next time they looked for a "spot of trouble."

They looked down at the twin t-shirts on the kitchen table and looked over at each other grinning, and trying not to crack up again. It was hard to stop once they got to it.

"Fine! Let them have their clown masks and old maid dresses…" Sirius declared with a boyish pout. "Ours will be…better!"

He smiled ruefully at James, waved at Lily innocently, and James tried to control an oncoming fit of laughter. He didn't trust himself to speak.

"By the way….I've got it now! Goyle, Mulciber, and Crabbe wear black dresses because they think they won't look fat!" yelled Sirius in a moment of clarity, "Or…Death Eaters…because death is inevitable…just like Crabbe helping himself and going for a sixth helping in the Great Hall!"

James burst out in loud, raucous laughter, and Lily went upstairs to bed giving up. "Good night, Sirius," she said, in her kind, playfully exasperated way.

The jokes went on for another half hour until Sirius went home to his place.

_Eventually, we decided on a simple golden bird._

…_so pleased with ourselves! More to ridicule and stick it in the faces of the Death Eaters….we were fearless…fearless that we would provoke them. How foolish we were! And with James thinking that very soon he was going to ask Lily to marry him. Harry wasn't even a thought yet._

_And me….too young and reckless to consider them…_he felt a twinge of guilt and thought of how he missed them both.

_But I loved them, really, and would never do anything to hurt them…and Lupin…not even trusting him._

It never even occurred to the two young men until Dumbledore told them both, in that polite, calm, and gentlemanly way he had, that if they sought to join his cause it was not the right way to go about it.

_Well, he put is as delicately as he could that we were being rash and stupid, but he would never use those words, of course. In the diplomatic, cool, genius way that only he knew how to, he pointed out that our little "snafu" was something that we should halt in future and he might just turn the other way. James and I realized eventually that we were being childish._

After some people they knew were ending up missing or dead, they realized the hard way. The old days of feeling young and indestructible were over, even though they were all still very young.

He smoothed his dark hair back again and glanced quickly in the mirror once more. He had to get down to that meeting before he was late. Better to take a seat at the table before most of the people were there.

_Wouldn't do to scare the hell out of any of them_…

He looked much better than he had a few weeks ago. Cleaned up, looking kind of smart with new clothes now, and Molly's cooking certainly had helped too. A small feeling in his gut told him that people might need some time still. They had believed him to be a dangerous, murderous maniac, a felon for over a decade, and could that really change in mere moments?

And then a thought occurred to him that made him instantly feel better.

_Harry would be coming! His godson!_


	2. Chapter 2: A New Order and An Old Girl

**Sirius Black: Escaping One's Self**

**Chapter 2: A New Order and An Old Girl**

"SIRIUS… _SIRIUS!"_

Sirius heard Molly Weasley yelling his name from downstairs. He grabbed his wand, opened the warped, peeling door roughly, and jumped the stairs three at a time as he made his way downstairs very quickly. His tall frame was quite fast and he was beside her within seconds.

"What is it?" he panted and looked sharply at her, pushing his hair out of his eyes.

"Professor Dumbledore. Go to the fireplace in the kitchen. Something…something happened with Harry," she was wringing her hands and looked agitated.

"Is he all right?" He looked frightened.

"Yes, he is fine… but Dumbledore needs to speak with you. It's urgent."

Sirius ran and threw himself on his knees near the fireplace in the kitchen, sliding a few inches into place. The Headmaster's silvery long hair and spectacles sparkled in the glowing fire.

"Sirius…"

"What happened?" he asked abruptly.

"Harry was attacked by dementors in Little Whinging," Dumbledore said calmly but his eyes belied the severity of what had happened.

"Is he all right?"

"He is fine. He is in the kitchen with his relatives on Privet Drive. He has not moved and was advised not to do so."

"But how, why would they…I'll go there if I have to…." he barked.

"No, Sirius, you must stay there," said Dumbledore firmly. "I am sending an owl to Harry and his aunt if need be. He was told not to leave either under any circumstances. I fear though, that he has been left in the dark for so long that he may not agree to it and may act otherwise Do not leave. I may go to Privet Drive if I must."

"He can't. It's not safe. I will write him one too. Molly has the Weasley owls here," offered Sirius.

"Have some of the Order arrived yet?" asked Dumbledore.

"Yes, I think so. I haven't made my way to the kitchen yet. Molly came up to the hallway to call for me."

"Sirius, I am contacting the Advance Guard. Tell Molly the meeting will be postponed until Harry is safely out of the house and at 12 Grimmauld Place. I am bringing him to you," said Dumbledore.

"Yes, he should be here. And keep me posted. I want to know he's all right."

"I will try. I must contact the Guard, and then I must get to the Ministry and see what I can do. And I wish you to remind the children that they are not to say anything to Harry that they were advised not to, nor owl him. I wish him to leave immediately and as quickly and safely as possible."

"Got it."

Dumbledore nodded and disappeared from the fire.

Sirius ran up to the hallway and motioned to one of the owls. He grabbed at a quill lying on a spindly table and reached for parchment, carelessly ripping a small piece off. He scribbled quickly and then tied the note to the nearest owl, urging them on as he opened the nearest window.

Molly rushed into the room. "They just left, only just got here. They received the message and already apparated with their brooms from the yard."

Sirius looked at her and nodded but seemed distracted."Should I write another one and send another owl?" he asked helplessly. He was very concerned for his godson. _What the hell were dementors doing near his aunt's home of all places?_

"No, they will probably be moving him within minutes and Arthur just sent a message from his office. He sent an owl to Harry also. He should be coming soon for the meeting.

"What do we do now?" asked Sirius impatiently.

"We wait the best we can. It's all we can do for now. Dumbledore is handling it. Would you like to eat something before they arrive? Dinner won't be ready until after the meeting," she eyed him curiously, as if fearing he might do something he shouldn't.

"No thanks. I can't right now. I will go and feed Buckbeak for the night and please let me know if you hear anything and then I will come down."

"Yes, come down . Bill and Charlie should be here soon. Actually I think I hear them… but before you do please talk to the children. I think they are in Ginny and Hermione's room. Make sure they don't worry. I yelled like a banshee…and tell them not to write anything to Harry because he is on his way. Make sure Ron gets the room upstairs tidied up and take all the clothes off the other bed Harry is going to sleep in. And maybe we should show them scourgify if they don't know that spell just to get rid of the cobwebs. I promise tomorrow now that we are settled we will start attacking all the rooms and clean this place up." She looked around obviously calculating the work that lay ahead.

"Right. And you know I will help. You all don't have to, really. Makes me feel like you lot are house elves."

"Hush, how can one man do all of this on their own. The least we could do for using it as headquarters and I will do the cooking too. It will keep the twins busy and out of mischief. How many rooms do you have again?"

He grinned sheepishly. "Don't know….I never counted. And try the best you can to make yourselves at home, we are family. You've all been here for a few days and I know the place isn't…" he glanced around darkly at the home he hated that he was not forced to inhabit again.

She smiled at him, relieved that he wouldn't be rash and attempt to leave, and headed for the kitchen, until the portrait of Mrs. Walburga Black started to shriek and she ran to it. Sirius had shown her what to do when they arrived.

"Mum…. What the bloody hell! Woman, what was that racket you were making?" yelled the twins who were leaning over the banister.

Sirius bounded up the stairs and headed for the bedroom where the girls were staying, though the children were waiting for him on the landing. He thought that it was much more pleasant now with people he liked about the house.

He stopped short in front of them and smiled. "Let's go to the closest bedroom and sit for a bit. Harry is coming, but there are some things I have to tell you first. We just got word."

They were elated at first at the good news and then they saw Sirius's smile fade. Ron and Hermione gave each other a quick look and said nothing.

He put an arm around Ron and Ginny who were closest to him and the rest of them followed him in.

….

**The Order meeting…**

The once boisterous crowd of wizards and witches experienced a lull in the room and then word spread like a ripple that Harry had arrived safely. They went back to their animated chatter. Some people hadn't seen each other in ages and others knew those around them quite well. The varied, colored robes added splashes of color to the old-fashioned kitchen.

A pale, thin figure sidled up to Sirius wearing a black travelling cloak on his tall frame and stood next to him. Sirius gathered that now that he was older he looked and moved much like a dementor , even more so than he did when he was younger. The reserved man who had merely nodded upon entering and hadn't spoken to anyone by choice, didn't look at him as he approached. He just whispered so nobody else could hear as he also scanned the room, taking in the faces, calculating…

"So, I heard you were quite busy, Black….how _are_ your domestic duties progressing?" Snape wore a fixed, sour smirk. "Doxy removal…quite daunting, one would think."

"How is your mate? Dark Lord can't bear to part with you for an hour?" Sirius shot back arrogantly.

Snape allowed him a wry, tight smile and moved closer to Dumbledore.

The Advance Guard walked in after leaving Harry at the front door. Mrs. Weasley went out of the room to lead Harry upstairs.

Lupin and Tonks walked over to a door were Sirius was now standing after having watched the exchange. They noticed his balled fists shoved into his pockets.

Sirius mused that he'd love to break Snape's nose and possibly improve it.

Lupin knew his friend very well and believed it was all he could do to stop his desire to punch Snape squarely in the face. His temper had subsided a bit at Azkaban along with some onslaught of maturity, but the temper was still reserved for those he truly disliked or that irked him.

"Er, Sirius," he said changing the subject. "Look who is here…"

"I know…" he looked around excitedly. "Dung…Shacklebolt I met the other day when you lot came over. And look at the Weasley boys…Charlie looks just like Arthur….Yeah, but Vance… bit full of herself now, that one. What happened to her? I said hello when I came downstairs and she just nodded at me like a student. Bit of a gray-haired old…."

"Shush! No, just quiet and keeps to herself. Worried about her children and husband I would think. He's a muggle and if she were ever caught…"whispered Lupin.

"Oh, right, sorry then," he made a slightly guilty face and panned the room commenting here and there.

"Look at Doge and Diggle…still holding up there, mate," he inclined his head toward them and smiled.

"I know," said Lupin proudly as he thought quickly of the first Order wistfully.

"Right funny men too…bit of eccentrics like Dumbledore," Tonks dished.

"Brilliant and very helpful last time too…" said Lupin softly.

"And good, ol' reliable Moody…" Sirius shook his head with a knowing smile. "Hey, is Hagrid coming?"

"Not to this meeting," said Lupin.

"Would love to see him again…looking forward to it…Remus, who _is _that?" asked Sirius.

Remus sighed as he caught the look in his friend's eyes. He'd seen it before many times.

Remus lowered his voice. "Do you remember back at school, the little second year girl….gobstone squirt to the face, er, always in the common room, liked Lily?"

"No way….sure, I remember," Sirius was wide-eyed with sudden recognition. "Do you mean _Jonesy?_ Little Jonesy…Jonesy the Twerp?"

Tonks sucked in her breath in shock at his abrupt rudeness, yet she knew it came from an innocent place.

"Hestia Jones, Sirius," said Lupin evenly.

"Can't be." he slightly scrunched up his face and concentrated hard.

"It is. She is a member now and works for the Ministry. Very helpful connection like Kingsley and Tonks, of course," Lupin nodded at Tonks in acknowledgment. Tonks beamed at him and blushed pink.

Sirius continued to stare in disbelief, not noticing that as he leaned casually in the doorway, that a few people had a hard time moving past him to the table. The meeting had moved to the kitchen which was a much larger space.

"Well, look at that."

"Tonks and I were with her in the Advanced Guard this evening," said Lupin.

"Didn't know that…"

"She has grown up to be a very nice, lovely woman, and is a good friend to Tonks at the Ministry, though you know how it is there. Politics, all that department gridlock, some of them not being as cooperative between departments."

"She's all right," said Tonks brightly. At least now I'm not the only female here that is much younger than the others, you know. They are a few years younger but I adore Ginny and Hermione. Bit of some girl presence in the house too."

"Yes, I'm sure she has, hasn't she?"said Sirius, not paying attention."…what… 29…30 maybe?"

"Yeah, something like that," answered Tonks.

"Married?" asked Sirius curiously.

Oh, stop," said Tonks, "Let's go cousin." She joked airily.

"Let's sit," admonished Lupin. "I can fill you in about Harry and our mission later and…."

"…the latest gossip about all the people here. _After d_inner, of course," said Tonks with glee.


	3. Chapter 3: Wouldn't Kick Her Out Of Bed

**Sirius Black: Escaping One's Self**

**Chapter 3: Wouldn't Kick Her Out of Bed Exactly**

Sirius sat in the kitchen, nursing his firewhiskey until it was very clear that Molly Weasley and the children had gone to bed. He waited until she had left the kitchen and went up the stairs, out of earshot and turned to Tonks. He thanked the form of animagus he took because his hearing was superior.

"All right, then. Details, please," he sing-songed pleasantly and mocked impatience, "out with it," he said gruffly, feeling it was now safe to put both boots up on the table and recline, leaning back on his chair.

Tonks, Remus, and Kingsley were the last people sitting in the kitchen. They seemed to be glancing around for the all clear to move forward as well.

"Oh,uh, sure. Do you mean Hestia?" she chirped.

"No, Diggle," he deadpanned. "I fancy the violet hat…of course I mean _her,_" he replied in exasperation. "Are you even an auror? Really, luv…"

"Do shut up or I won't tell you a thing," she teased and swatted his arm playfully.

"I am listening and I do have very good hearing," he added as he looked at the ceiling and motioned for her to begin.

"Nymphadora, maybe you should…" interjected Lupin mildly.

"Tonks," she repeated, reminding him how much she hated her given name.

"Right, sorry, I forgot. I wouldn't play matchmaker for Sirius. Truly a costly and tiring undertaking...I would know." He glanced over at Sirius apologetically.

"Why not?" Sirius frowned and glared at him, as he eyed him boldly in front of their company, trying to get the message across that he was not helping and to be more cooperative in future.

"Well, you can be…fickle, and we all have to work together. So it would seem that it might not be…appropriate right this minute," said Remus who now was not making eye contact with Sirius.

Sirius shot Lupin a dark look and then ignored him. "Continue Tonks. As you were saying…" he gestured for her to continue.

"Well, she is about five years younger than you and attended Hogwarts around the same time you did…"

"Not good enough. Your information is a bit weak. I know that already. I remember her from school now and even though I was stuck in Azkaban I can still subtract. Continue…"

"Er, after you left she played quidditch from her third year up until her last year. Gryffindor seeker… second one after James."

His eyes lit up.

"Yes, she was quite good. Offer from the Harpies but she turned it down. Played with the Cannons for three years and she was great. Wish you could have seen her but you were…"

He gave her a look. "Obviously the dementors did not keep me updated on the Cannons seasonal results."

"…hitting her stride and then decided to go into the Ministry. Hurt her ankle very badly. A sports mediwizard didn't heal it properly. Decided being an athlete was not for her anymore and the ankle still bothers her from time to time…bookish too and had other interests…most likely still a bit disappointed about the ankle but she seems fine with early retirement when I talk to her really, and the Cannons were starting their downward spiral so they also say that one of the managers were concerned that the ankle might be a liability. So she entered the Ministry where she works at the Department of Magical Transportation in the Broom Regulation Office. Also, she told me when we recruited her that in these times she could be useful to the Order what with the Ministry nonsense she'd seen…"

"Good girl, smart one, eh?" he looked over at Lupin who said nothing.

"She maintains an advisory role at Comet broomsticks and Firebolt made her an offer too but I'm not sure if it was a monetary issue or…they both fought over her, you know, pretty good-looking for a former athlete… surely they want her for a more public-based role eventually. People still talk about her and from what I heard the Ministry loves having a former player in the Transportation Department. Good for the image, I guess. Well, look at Ludo…"

"…If I don't say so myself," grinned Sirius. "And him? Never a fan of the Wasps…He doesn't impress me." He made a face and a slight gagging noise.

"Er, yeah, I guess you can't blame them," offered Tonks airily.

"It would have been cool to have a famous athlete in the Order if she continued on," Kingsley chimed in. "Definitely on that track if she kept going, but people that follow quidditch religiously definitely know her. Right pissed about that ankle."

"I'll bet," replied Sirius. "But the face is gorgeous, that must be some consolation…." He smiled devilishly.

Lupin nodded at Kingsley and hoped for a second that nobody thought he was encouraging Sirius about the face comment. "And she certainly is an asset to the Advance Guard," Lupin added.

"Yeah," Tonks' voice raised in excitement. "She is so fast. I am surprised her broomstick is still in one piece. I have never seen her bail out or crash. No wonder she was a seeker. If you didn't know you can totally tell."

"I am impressed, in Gryffindor, a seeker, no less, and fanciable. Sounds good to me…._but Jonesy?_ Who would have thought?" he seemed to trail off, lost in thought.

"Yes, all except the part that this is just not a good idea," admonished Lupin.

"And why is that Moony?" barked Sirius, quite alert in his annoyance now.

"Because I feel it is best to maintain a respectful, working relationship, in these times…"

"Which means to keep my distance…because you wouldn't think it was a good idea in any time…" replied Sirius, rolling his eyes, "And I have heard enough and I think it is a good idea," he grinned.

"Aw, he fancies her," replied Kingsley with a chuckle, as he cuffed the back of Sirius' neck with one hand and let go to show he offered his support.

"So what if I do?" grumbled Sirius looking half his age, as he swept his long hair out of his eyes.

"Cannons could have used her, even Dumbledore agrees with me, but he is happy to have her," Kingsley reassured them.

"She looks like one of those posters I had. My dear sweet, old hag of a mother removed most of them, but I still have a few upstairs. Permanent sticking charms."

"A few what?" asked Tonks quizzically as Lupin motioned for her not to inquire further.

"Muggle girls in bikinis," replied Sirius casually with a glint in his eyes.

Remus looked away and Kingsley burst into laughter. "You're all right, Black."

"Don't I know it." He removed his boots from the table in the kitchen and stood up. He walked near Kingsley and clapped him on the back. "What about it, Remus?" He smiled victoriously and gave him the see-they-are-ok-with-it-you-better-get-on-board-or-else-look. "Tonks and Kingsley seem to be fine with it and I meant to ask you during the meeting. Did you see the body on her? I almost…"

Remus turned bright red and tried to intervene without success. "Did anyone ever tell you that you have the manners of a beast? And I don't look at my colleagues in that fashion."

"Oh, you don't, do you?" Sirius gave Remus a meaningful look that Lupin tried to ignore. "Adult males and females working closely together, bound to happen one would think. Only natural…I am only human after all."

"Only to you, and I think you should tread lightly with her."

"Why is that?"

"Talk to her tomorrow and you will see what I mean," said Lupin mysteriously.

Tonks who was engrossed in their conversation said nothing.

"Oh, relax, Remus. And yes, to answer your question, quite often. Kreacher can back you up on that. Manners befitting a dog, but they are loyal. If they like you that is," he gave a winning smile and Tonks and Kingsley burst out laughing again, as Lupin tried to hide the small smile creeping up on him.

"Ok, Jonesy it is. Actually, even Figgy would probably look good to me right about now. It's been awhile and there is a lack of pretty girls jostling about now that I am stuck here."

Lupin thought of the poor old woman in her flowered housecoat and fluffy slippers fending off an amorous Sirius Black with her huge carpetbag-like purse with cats on it, and put a hand over his eyes and rubbed.

"And I don't mean you aren't pretty,Tonks. You are my cousin so you're not in the running and I must say awfully cute too. Pretty like your mum, my favorite cousin, besides you, of course. Right Remus?" he asked innocently as Remus got up and put his glass in the sink.

"I agree," his voice was barely audible from his turned back.

Tonks blushed and spluttered out, "But, er, what if she isn't interested or doesn't feel that way towards you?" Tonks had to ask. She had heard about the exploits of her cousin in earlier years and had to know. It was quite another thing to witness it.

"She will," he responded confidently. "I will work on her. Wait until I talk to her at the meeting tomorrow. You'll see. Just watch your cousin closely. I may not have much going for me right now, but I still have charm _and _the Black good looks. It'll _have _to do. Escaped mass murder and convicted felon just may not work for me," he said. "Oh, and we can leave out the part that in order to survive in the caves I had to dine on a rat or two occasionally…not likely to win her over." He winked at them.

Everyone had to laugh at the sweet, pompous expression on his face. Lupin wondered if he was half-joking or not. Nothing Sirius did had ever surprised him really.

"Should be an interesting meeting tomorrow," he smiled at the company. "Oh, and Remus… make sure that Molly invites her for dinner tomorrow. After I make her acquaintance once more and old Gryffindor ties are renewed, I can ask her in future."


	4. Chapter 4: Licking One's Wounds

**Sirius Black: Escaping One's Self **

**Chapter 4: Licking One's Wounds**

And Remus Lupin promised himself that he would remain silent and not be coerced into joining the conversation further, and as soon as he could he would excuse himself and head up to bed.

He had tried already. He had lifted his wand gingerly in the air, pointed at an empty cup of tea in front of him, and the teacup made it halfway from his person before Sirius had shot out…

"Oy, Moony, not so fast…I hope you don't think you are leaving yet. I would like your input."

And all because Sirius Black didn't take "no" for an answer very well…and failed to realize what an impressionable time childhood was, but perhaps, that was for another time….

He had done as he had asked and invited a few people as well as Hestia to dinner, via Molly Weasley, so, as Sirius put it, it took some of the obviousness out of it. Didn't his old friend realize that it was pointless if you were going to be as forward as he was with her at dinner? Also, that he, Sirius Black was not by nature subtle?

Sirius had asked Molly and insisted on having dinner after the meeting in the dining room for a change of pace instead of utilizing the kitchen. Molly had looked at him suspiciously until her suspicions were confirmed later. She was not here for the "war room meeting" that was taking place now. She had seen enough, checked on the children to make sure they were asleep, looked at all of them, the adults, as if they should be too, and retired to the bedroom she shared with Arthur, who also had embarrassingly excused himself and went to bed.

Remus believed that it might be Arthur that got to Sirius the most. Arthur had looked sorry for him before he left, and Remus knew how proud his friend was, and how he must feel.

Sirius had donned his nicest shirt, pants, vest, and jacket. Molly usually listened to his suggestions regarding what he liked and went shopping for him and they could always use a spell or two to make them fit at home. Even Tonks had noted how handsome her cousin had looked. Sirius, Tonks, Remus, and Molly had set up the dining room before the meeting and dinner. He had helped with such enthusiasm and was quite humorous as he blasted the wizarding wireless as he worked, humming to himself, cracking jokes, and singing a line here and there from a song on the radio, badly and on purpose, as he moved the Black family dining room set into place and adjusted chairs here and there.

The Black family crystal, silverware, and china was taken out of cabinets and carefully set up and put into place by all, but the labor was supervised by Sirius. Molly, not knowing exactly what was going on, clucked with approval over his enthusiasm and that he seemed to take an interest in entertaining, which she loved. Moving a glass here, replacing a napkin there, folding it again to make it neater, and putting it back into place with attention to detail. Both Remus and Tonks had resigned themselves to Sirius' scrutiny after awhile. No matter how they placed an item, he went back and moved it again, and it wasn't like he knew what he was doing either, but after so many years of formal dinners with his parents and brother, Regulus, he had observed a thing or two they surmised. Remus quietly took it in stride and Tonks had thrown up her hands after awhile and given up and went to hang out with the children, who were eating in the kitchen this evening before they went upstairs before the meeting.

And Sirius had gotten up from his seat in the kitchen when the meeting was over, took his place at the head of the table in the Black family dining room, and truly looked the part of the host and master of the Black mansion.

And within minutes…it had all gone downhill. Sirius had sat down in the high-backed chair, smiled broadly at everyone as he waited patiently for all of them to sit down, directed his full attention over to the woman on his right, and unfortunately, opened his mouth.

Well the dinner hadn't quite gone downhill but Sirius' plans had, because Sirius' "guest of honor" who wasn't even aware of it, wasn't fazed in the least.

And that is how Remus Lupin left his place at the dinner table, only desiring to return to his room and get some sleep, when Sirius confronted him.

"Oy, Moony, would you mind if you stepped into my office for a moment," he sing-songed sarcastically. He pointed to the stairs that lead to the kitchen. "Get in here now, and thanks for the heads up, by the way."

Remus had gone to use the bathroom first and as he made his way carefully to the kitchen, he noticed that Tonks and Kingsley were already seated. They looked about to burst but thus far had carefully controlled their expressions.

Sirius pulled a chair out for Lupin as well as himself, almost anticipating Remus' desire to escape and giving him a look that said it was highly unlikely.

He sat down abruptly and made a great show of folding his hands and taking in the people sitting at the kitchen table, in a direct yet humorous way.

"All right them, input would be appreciated. And be honest, I will not hold it against you." Sirius looked around at everyone trying to be flippant but it wasn't working. He looked perplexed and a bit hurt as well. He removed his brown blazer, rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, and made himself more comfortable as he waited for the first person to speak. He ran a hand through the side of his hair, resting his chin in his palm, and looked about 15 again, as he glanced around the room once more, detesting the silence.

Nobody spoke, so he decided to initiate the discussion.

"Ok, no takers? Then I will begin. First, I would truly appreciate it if somebody could explain to me how it is possible that someone can be a fool, a dolt, a clever piece of work, and an irritating jackass all at the same time? Her words…to quote the lady with the sexiest voice I have ever heard to my knowledge herself."

Kingsley spoke up. "I don't know exactly, but with all due respect as a witness to the event, I daresay that at this moment in time, Severus Snape has a better chance with her than you do, mate."

Tonks let out an uproarious laugh and Sirius just looked at Kingsley as if he hadn't quite heard him clearly.

"I will address you in a moment, _Nymphadora," _replied Sirius pertly.

She smirked at him.

"Remus, my old friend, what have you to say for yourself?"

"I respect her as a colleague and I want to add that I wish no part in this and you er…won't likely recruit me to your cause." He looked at Sirius wearily but responded firmly.

"That hurts, Remus. Know you since we were eleven years old. I won't forget it," his voice rang out with mock hurt.

Sirius became more earnest.

"What happened? What is it with her? And I must admit she looked beautiful, even more so than yesterday."

"Well, you looked very handsome, smart clothes, poured on the charm, if you had relaxed it a bit I think you had a shot," offered Tonks sincerely.

Sirius grinned, his smile dazzling. "Thanks, luv, that more than made up for that laugh earlier. I thought I fairly outdid myself but I don't know what went wrong. And I think we need more detailed analysis. And more participation among friends," he shot Lupin a dangerous look.

"Sirius, you have to let go of some of the lines." Tonks stood up and narrowed her eyes and concentrated very hard. Her bubblegum pink spikes turned to long, straight dark hair and she willed her appearance to look very much like Hestia.

"Ok, perhaps a reenactment if you will." She changed her facial expression and stared straight into Sirius" eyes and said in a firm but exasperated voice. "Look, I am being serious…"

And then she stopped and thought really hard again, and long dark hair shrunk to wavy and shoulder length, her nose appearing to be similar to Sirius', and she sprouted some facial hair.

Sirius barked out laughter as Tonks' eyes crinkled in amusement and her mouth broke into a grin.

"No, you can't be…I am," she said in what was clearly a bad, yet striking imitation of him as she beamed at him, much as he had at Hestia as she tried to eat her dinner uncomfortably.

"Yes, the "serious" puns are pretty dodgy after awhile," laughed Kingsley good-naturedly.

"They used to work quite well, I will have to think about this," said Sirius mocking that he was thinking very hard.

"And really, not that you should be taking any pointers from me, but as an ,er, female, I can tell you that you were laying it on a little thick, and you never, ever bring up other ladies in front of a girl, and um, I think she didn't expect it and she was really, really embarrassed too. And I believe I just had an idea and that I am a genius…." Tonks trailed off and stared into space.

"What is it?" said Sirius. You look troubled…was I really that bad?" He seemed genuinely concerned. "What is so terrible about telling someone that they are the prettiest girl you've ever seen in comparison to others? And actually mean it."

"No, but I just had an idea on how to help you. Kinsgley, where is Moody keeping his trunk in this place?"

"No idea."

"Yes, you do. I need to borrow something for a few minutes, and I know that you can tell what I am talking about and then we can just return it, and he won't know. And we're not doing anything wrong so don't look at me like that. He has the coolest stuff…and it is for a good cause," she looked at Sirius brightly.

Lupin looked at them all wide-eyed. "Pensieves are expensive and unique and hard to come by and if anyone breaks it or if Moody has something in there and it gets lost or you forget to replace it, I can't imagine what he would do and…"

"Do it, Tonks. Get it. I will clear the table and give you 10 minutes and I will even help you by being the one to put it back exactly as he had it in the trunk. And if he figures out we borrowed it I can protect you. I know a lot of hexes and counterjinxes."

...

They entered the pensieve and were once more in the dining room and back where they were a few hours ago. They had forced Remus to give up his memory because they knew he always observed everything closely and he probably had the best perspective of anyone and had missed nothing. Tonks cajoled sweetly, Kingsley had clapped him on the back, and Sirius had good-naturedly threatened him.

They were correct. He did have some parts of the memory, and others it seemed he would rather forget.

They placed the pensieve on the kitchen table. Lupin had never done this before but had heard about it so he placed the wand tip to his head, thought hard, murmured the spell, trying to remember a good place to start after the meeting when dinner commenced and hoped it worked, because he would never hear the end of it from Sirius.

He dropped the strand into the pensieve and it began to swirl. The four of them stood in front of it, bowed their faces, and off they went.

Sirius sat at the head of the table at dinner earlier in the evening and was sipping his wine, his eyes never leaving the face on his right which was Hestia's. Tonks was on her other side facing opposite Lupin and Kingsley. Molly, Arthur, Moody, Bill, and Diggle, who was happy just to have been invited out, were further away from Sirius, with Arthur at the head of the table on the other end.

"Oh, Merlin," said Tonks. "I think this is after you, er, charmed her for an hour. Look at her face! She looks like she swallowed something sour and unpleasant."

"Uh, his unwavering attentions…Merlin's beard, Sirius, the poor girl looks quite frightened," observed Kingsley.

"I have never used one before. Perhaps I cut the memory a little late," said Lupin, realizing that dinner was almost over, yet relieved that he wouldn't have to witness the trying ordeal and have it play out in front of him in its entirety again.

The dark-haired woman looked morose, and kept looking around as if for the exit or for someone to remove her from where she was.

Sirius appeared to be taking the departure of Bill and Diggle, who both had to return home, as a sign to continue.

"Don't be bitter like Snape," he teased and whispered to her over his shoulder and out of the side of his mouth.

"I'm not bitter, I just don't particularly care for you," she deadpanned in a quiet voice.

"But you have to work with me," it was almost a whine. "And fondness grows in time. I am a little hard around the edges, but perfectly harmless."

The onlookers in the pensieve saw Sirius give her, the wicked yet charming, Black stare, knowing its intent and that it was done purposely. Lupin had seen its effect on girls in the past. He marveled that it reaped no success this time around. Sirius, he noted, almost resemebled Bellatrix when she was younger, at his haughtiest.

It had no effect whatsoever. She made a face at him and despite her words, appeared stoic. "And I will, but I don't have to particularly care for you still_. Do I?_ Is it a requirement of the job I took on? I am helping to protect Harry, not flirt with you. From what I hear you've had enough to last a lifetime. Really, you are acting like a fool."

And the memory broke off for a bit and it got fuzzy and the four of them could not make out the scene they were just in.

"Probably poor Remus was cringing in embarrassment like I am now," said Kingsley, who couldn't help himself, and Sirius looked over at him and then at a mortified Remus.

"You did ask for honesty, Sirius."

But Remus wasn't the only person mortified as the memory became clearer once more. Hestia Jones had long black hair, hazel-greenish eyes, and was pink-cheeked, very much so when she blushed as she was now due to her very fair skin and the predicament she was trapped in.

"What about time lost that I have to make up for? Couldn't exactly flirt with a dementor now could I?" stated Sirius.

"Don't be a dolt, and I am sorry, I didn't mean it like that but…" their asides and attempts at keeping their voices down was hardly that.

"They are not very attractive either," he smiled and gave her a meaningful, heady look.

"What a clever piece of work you think you are…" she looked back at him still seemingly unimpressed with anything except his utter nerve and refusal to give it a rest and leave her be.

"But you are…very much so…and that is why you are on my right hand side at dinner. Just like old times in the Great Hall at the Gryffindor table…but now there is a seat available next to me. How do you feel about that?" he joked ruefully.

"You haven't changed a bit. Still full of yourself…and still an irritating jackass," she whispered her last.

The winning smile left Sirius' face and a look of surprise appeared for a moment before he wore an amused grin once more. He looked pleased that she agreed that he hadn't changed much as he admired her greenish-colored eyes. Azkaban could be a tender subject for him at times.

And then it sunk in that this lovely, lovely woman had just called him an irritating jackass.

She folded her napkin that she pulled from off her lap and smiled at everyone at the table. "So, sorry, but it is late and I must be going, and thank you for dinner," she looked around at everyone and glanced very quickly in Sirius's direction, looking at him as if he were mad.

"Come anytime you wish. We do this all the time, though not always on this lavish a scale, but dementors aren't half as pretty as you at any rate," he shot her a look and smiled invitingly. "Expect another invitation to dine, _very soon_, Miss Jones," he called out after her.

She rose from her seat amidst kind words and farewells from the table, removed her dark green cloak from a stand and left the kitchen, ignoring his parting words to her, as she swung it effortlessly over her shoulders.

"Er, I think we should leave now and return this to Moody's trunk," said Tonks in bewilderment. Apparently, she hadn't noticed everything that went on, or was said, or went unsaid.

"Let's go," said Sirius.

"I think we have seen enough," chided Lupin.

…..

Kingsley was chuckling in the kitchen as Tonks was. Lupin remained silent and Sirius seemed pleased that they were enjoying themselves and could take light-hearted ribbing from friends, but since it was directed at him, and things hadn't gone as well as he had wished, maybe it was a bit rich on their end.

"She _did _call you an irritating jackass! I thought you were joking," scoffed Kingsley.

"No, I was not," Sirius sniffed, "and I was merely pointing out to her, very kindly, how pretty she is."

"Oh, Merlin, I missed that too. She looked right pissed at the end," blurted out Tonks.

"And she should be…I would be," Lupin finally spoke. And he wanted to tell him that she also had called him an arrogant ass behind his back but thought better of it. Because she discovered that they were still close friends and that Lupin was also staying with him, and she felt terrible that Lupin might be upset with her, but didn't seem to care if he told Sirius or not.

Sirius turned to him, "and why is that Remus?" He cocked an eyebrow and paid very close attention to Lupin.

"Because she only knows Tonks and Kingsley very well and you put her in a very embarrassing situation. She hasn't seen the two of us in years and had only recently met the rest of the diners present within the last few weeks or so and was trying to get to know everybody and be friendly and cordial and make a good impression in the Order and you ruined it for her. Put her on the spot, which is understandable because I know you a long time, and your boisterous, friendly, kind-hearted…" Remus was sure he was making it worse, " er, well-meaning at times…nature, but when she made it very clear that she has no interest in you, you didn't let it go. And…." Remus seemed to want to say more and then stopped himself.

"Could this be what you were going on about yesterday and failed to tell me?" asked Sirius pointedly.

"Yes. And I think I am going to bed."

"I think that you are going to tell me what you know and then perhaps you should," he snarled moodily.

Kingsley and Tonks realized that they knew her very well from the Ministry but Lupin seemed to know something that they didn't, and then, Tonks remembered, the meeting they had for the Advance Guard. Way before they delivered Harry yesterday. Lupin reintroduced himself to Hestia and she was a bit jealous of the two of them talking, but refused to admit it to herself and forgot after awhile because it couldn't have been more than 10, 15, 20 minutes or maybe….just enough time for the sweet, tactful, good listener, and unassuming Lupin that she adored to…

"She doesn't like you at all. Not in that way, not even in any other way, that I could gather, Sirius. You have on your hands, my old friend, a very similar situation to what developed with Snape, that I still, on occasion, have regrets about. She said you were mean back at school and you apparently left a very bad impression on her. And I am sorry, Sirius, but some things stick with people and they aren't likely to forget that easily. And I didn't want to tell you and I apologize because I should have and thought maybe if she talked with you again, she'd realize that things were different," offered Lupin, as gently as he could, yet being clear because his childhood friend was stubborn, and sugar-coating or withholding information had already gotten him into trouble.

"But they aren't," Tonks blurted out

"No, not after the dinner…it would seem to Hestia they are not," responded Lupin. "And now I wish you all a good night. I will see you tomorrow."

"Right, good night Remus," called out Tonks. Kingsley nodded and Sirius just smirked. Not really upset with Remus but his words had struck a chord with him, just like old times.

"Good night Tonks, Kingsley, Sirius," said Lupin pleasantly.

Tonks and Kingsley muttered something about an early day at the Ministry tomorrow and fled 12 Grimmauld Place.

Sirius stayed in the kitchen, licking his wounds, and pondering what the hell he did to her at school that would make her not like him now, because now, he liked her even more than he did the day before.

And he deduced that she was quite possibly the best looking girl he had ever seen and it was brought to his attention this very evening that she probably hated him more than anyone else _she_ had ever seen.

And tomorrow he was going to find out why.


	5. Chapter 5: Down but Not Out

**Sirius Black: Escaping One's Self**

**Chapter 5: Down… but Not Out**

And the following day's meeting had been no different even though Hestia had to come to 12 Grimmauld Place for Order business, as it was her turn to be on duty at the Ministry.

There was another Order meeting scheduled for that evening with only a few members that were on rotating watch that week and then the next day they were taking a break. Now that the initial meetings for the guard had taken place, the major meeting for old and new members, and the startup so everyone knew what they were supposed to do; they were now doing it and it was not really necessary to meet often considering everyone was busy with work, home, family, and their responsibilities within the Order. And if constant movement in the area of 12 Grimmauld Place was detected on a larger and more frequent scale, that could pose a problem.

Sirius, the Weasleys, Tonks, Lupin, Kingsley, and Mad-Eye were standing in the narrow hallway that was lined with old ancestral portraits when Hestia had entered through the front door that led to the stairwell. She greeted everyone and approached Tonks and Kingsley who had called her over to recount their observations at work that day and to fill her in as she began her watch that evening. It was her first night and she also had to pick up Moody's invisibility cloak that he let everyone borrow for the job. She listened intently, concentrating, and appeared engrossed in what her co-workers and Order members were saying, and hadn't really noticed Sirius standing in the doorway that lead to the dining room, where within, Harry, Hermione, and the Weasleys were playing Exploding Snap. The adults near the door were talking amongst themselves quietly and occasionally stealing a glance over their shoulders to be sure the younger ones wouldn't hear them. They still weren't saying too much. The rest could wait for the meeting in the kitchen.

He watched her carefully, not one detail escaping his notice. Molly told the kids to go upstairs and they would call them down to dinner as soon as they were finished, and reminded them to wash their hands before they came back down. They scrambled to pick up some items they had, and purposely dragged out the time it took to get to their feet.

The Order members were slowly heading down to the kitchen one by one as the group broke up.

"Those green-eyed ones…always trouble…" Sirius threw out to nobody in particular.

Hestia stopped talking to Tonks and Kingsley and countered with, "hazel," and went back to her conversation after the slightly rude interruption, as they passed Sirius in the hallway to join the others.

"Really…what's the difference? Still lovely by the way…"he informed her, and kept looking at her as she was about to pass him.

The conversation was over and he laughed at her because he could see her internal struggle. She wished to tell him off yet thought better of it because he was in the room with children and adults were standing by and he knew she wouldn't say anything back.

She ignored Sirius and smiled at them and they waved and offered some "hellos" back because the adults had filled them in, though Ron, Ginny, and the twins who followed the Cannons for years knew exactly who she was. Harry and Hermione had to be filled in some days ago when the topic had come up and were amazed to have a former quidditch player in Sirius' house. And from what they had overheard, apparently Sirius was too.

She reserved a look and a small smile for Sirius who took this as his cue to press on while he had the opportunity to do so, and currently her undivided attention for the moment.

He gripped his chest with dramatic flair as if miming that his heart hurt and rolled his eyes with enthusiasm. "I think…I love her…" he murmured under his breath so that both she and the stragglers could hear him. He had always preferred an audience to make light of a situation and to buffer the unknown.

Everyone looked slightly embarrassed for either Hestia or Sirius and the younger ones tried to disguise their good-natured sniggers behind their hands, amazed at his courage, embarrassed at his openness, taking in her reaction, and a bit surprised because they hadn't imagined Sirius liking a woman and here it was right in front of them.

She turned bright red and fled to the kitchen, the rest of the adults following suit.

He watched her go, enthralled by her walk, and stood there until he realized that everybody was downstairs in his kitchen except himself.

Sirius turned to Harry, Hermione, and the Weasleys. "I will be back. I need to join the meeting. You lot need to go upstairs before Mrs. Weasley sends you off again. Be good and do it before she comes and I think she will appreciate if you do it without being told. I'll send for you when we're done and we'll have dinner."

…

And the meeting was over. The children and some of the adults had now moved to the kitchen for dinner and Hestia followed them and was finishing up a conversation with Lupin and Kingsley and was preparing to leave because it was her watch this evening. They noticed that she carried something bulky in her hand that she quickly placed inside a pocket of her robes. She declined Sirius' invitation to dine with them, even though he knew very well that she had to leave, and Kingsley had to smirk genially at Sirius' audacious quip.

She said her goodbyes and was about to pass where Sirius sat at the head of the table next to Harry when she heard him speak to his godson loud enough for her to hear and everyone else in the kitchen as well….

"Harry, how would you like a godmother?" He eyed her appealingly as she stopped dead in her tracks, and gave her an innocent smile.

She turned to him. "Sirius…." His eyes danced as she said his name. "I am thrilled for you both. When do you think Buckbeak will show us the ring?" she deadpanned, not blinking.

Bark-like laughter rang out as he threw his head back. Everyone else joined in after the initial surprise had died. She gave him a lovely fixed smile and turned her back on him. She walked away and up the stairs to exit through the front door.

"That was a right good one. I deserved it," he announced to the gathering at the table, as he shook his head and sighed with amusement.

Tonks wiped her eyes after giggling hysterically. "He thinks she'll pay attention to him someday. He's not used to it," shot Tonks as Sirius gave her a withering look.

He even managed to put a comb through his hair," Tonks added with caution.

"That is, er, a first," replied Lupin startled at the revelation.

Moody had a bewildered and impatient look on his face and added that he should probably go upstairs and lock the door after her.

Harry snorted into his food, shook his head, and grinned at his godfather who caught his eye and winked at him, brightening up considerably.

"She is a nice girl. Give her a breather. Though Arthur was awfully sweet and a bit funny when he told me that he fancied me," Molly reminisced. Their children looked appalled and Arthur turned beet red; the reminiscing dying abruptly.

"Dear God, not the Mollywobbles story again…" muttered Fred under his breath wide-eyed.

….

Molly got up after awhile and started to clean the remnants of dinner. She grabbed a few plates near Sirius and whispered conspiratorially, "but perhaps you should refrain from acting like that in front of the children. Gives them the wrong idea about your, er, intentions, you know, uh, whatever they may be, and they are _at that age_ and you should set a good example for them. They adore you."

He smiled at her last comment and grinned at them, thoroughly pleased. He ruffled his godson's untidy hair and waited until Molly went to the sink and Tonks moved her chair closer to the rest of them. Kingsley smiled, shook his head, and excused himself to leave as did Arthur. They both had to get up earlier tomorrow. Moody went to check on his trunk because he trusted no one and to make sure everything was in place after he had lent Hestia the cloak because a few others were near his room when he went to fetch it earlier. And Sirius Black was acting like both a moron and an idiot with one of his co-workers and a member of the Order, and he really had had enough of the nonsense for one night. He didn't care, really none of his business, he just didn't want their work affected. He was really getting too old for this crap, in his opinion.

The children had that look on their face like they wanted details after what went on this evening, so Sirius summed it up for them. He wouldn't tell them everything. Comments like the body and the muggle posters were reserved for teasing Remus and the adults, he thought with amusement.

"Well, to put it plainly, I think she is rather pretty…she thinks I'm a sod though. And Remus here will hopefully be willing to talk today and inform me of how much of a sod she thinks I am."

None of the younger people thought he was a sod. Some of them had had a few experiences with the trials and tribulations and general craziness that went along with their dealings regarding crushes. They knew some that were real sods back at school and like most young people they looked at Sirius with curiosity, awed when even adults had similar issues much as they had. Youth almost always took for granted that adulthood would make their problems go away, and that adults no longer had problems like they did. They were starting to notice that maybe that wasn't the case.

Harry Potter wasn't sure that anyone could think his wonderful godfather was a sod. Those that knew that he was innocent, of course, and thought Sirius must have misjudged her awkwardness, because Harry thought his self-assured and outgoing godfather might not have noticed that she appeared shy in the hallway.

Tonks smirked, and had to laugh, noticing that Hestia had been downgraded from beautiful to pretty by Sirius in front of Harry and his mates.

Remus had walked into the cooking area with Molly and sighed realizing that he wasn't going to escape again this evening, and hoping Sirius did not try to rally Harry and his friends to his cause.

"Ok, I… well, I thought about this yesterday and a bunch of memories came back to me. Remus, please interject at will."

"So, when Hestia Jones was a little girl…she had this angelic face…"

"And she apparently still does…" teased Tonks, melting suddenly as she realized that he felt the need to get this off his chest. Her cousin was hilarious and then again, could be a downright pain in the ass, but she loved when his sweet side burst forth. And there was a lot to that side too, she learned, as she got to know him better.

Sirius gave her a slightly warning glance,"…and remember I was a few years ahead of her at school, so I'm sure you know that you always side with your house but within the houses and the years, the students tend to get a kick out of the younger ones when they are much older and the newer students are so small…and can be really quite funny and amusing. So hard to remember that we were probably that silly when we first started school…practically babies…."

"And annoying…" interjected Ron who got a look from his mother.

"…imagine her black hair, dark hair in pigtails all the time…a really cute kid. Really thick hair so they kept sliding out of their bands from the weight, and a few freckles on her nose and face."

Molly said nothing thinking how cute the very pretty girl must have been and Fred and George thought that this was certainly blackmail material, too bad none of them were professors, that and they liked Sirius too much and thought Hestia seemed all right too. And Sirius always sided with them in their mischievous pursuits, but then again, he was the master after all.

Ron, Harry, Hermione, and Ginny couldn't believe that he was talking like this and thought it was humorous and looked at him in a different light. They loved any time he shared stories of when he was around their age. Hermione, who always wished that Ron would be nicer to the younger ones, nodded in approval and eyed Ron, who was trying to ignore her stare, knowingly. He really did need to have more patience as a prefect.

"So I can only guess that she is still angry with me over the gobstone, uh, incident."

"What happened?" asked Harry," who smiled and had a feeling that one of his parents would appear in this story.

"Well, I squirted a gobstone in her face," Sirius said in a matter of fact fashion.

The group exhibited varying reactions. Most of them looked a little taken aback and didn't know if they should laugh or not, along with Molly, and Tonks who had heard this before said nothing. Lupin, who had been there, shrugged and worked harder in the kitchen, and Molly then yelled from the sink at Fred and George who were laughing and grabbing their sides.

"And she was so cute. She teared up and her lip trembled like she was going to cry, and I truly felt like a sod then, and your mother who was Head Girl… well, she hollered at me, Harry, and took her from the Gryffindor common room to the girls' dormitory for a chat. Out they came a few minutes later, Hestia with a fizzing whizzbee and smiling again. I was only playing around. I didn't mean it. Never did that before… they usually squirt that stuff if you were losing or made a bad move and I guess I wasn't thinking. I dated a girl who was in the gobstones club and that is what she told me.

The kids laughed at the dating reference. The boys racked their brains and couldn't think of anyone that was currently in the Hogwarts gobstones club whom they could conclusively label "fanciable." Ron thought of Eloise Midgen and grimaced.

Sirius saw Lupin shake his head and his failure to say anything got to him.

"I don't enjoy picking on small children, especially little girls, for that matter. I am not Snape for Merlin's sake," he said in exasperation as he made sure Remus heard him.

"However, uh, innocent or amusing you may think it is, Sirius, is it a good idea to share this information regarding members of the Order? Not sure they would think so," griped Molly who wasn't so sure herself.

"Hestia got the fizzing whizzbee, and what did you get?" Lupin called out innocently from the other side of the room as he continued to assist Molly, and figured if he said something she would probably let it go. She thought he had better sense than Sirius and let him guide her own reactions to Sirius at times.

"A severe dressing down and talking to, and your mother was Head Girl, Harry, and let me tell you she would report me to McGonagall, make no mistake about it, if she had to. She actually was the only person who could make me feel bad…and Moony…kept my arse in line back then. But on the opposite end your dad was Head Boy so I had friends in high places," he grinned at Harry and laughed at the expressions on everyone's faces. They speculated the consequences of being called to McGonagall's office on a regular basis, for only Hermione was ever called there on a positive note, not counting Harry's meeting when she talked to him about participating in the Gryffindor quidditch four years ago.

"Sirius….language," admonished Molly.

"Oh, right. Sorry Molly," he remembered himself.

"She really liked your mother, Harry. She was always very nice to her. So perhaps she will forgive me and let it drop. It was a long time ago. I mean Lily was my best friend too besides James."

"What do _you _think Remus?" asked Sirius hopefully.

"Perhaps, in time, she will," and then Lupin could kick himself for insinuating in front of everyone that Hestia was not too keen on Sirius. Maybe they hadn't noticed what hung in the air.

"Yeah, and that is how I remember her…Little Jonesy…Jonesy the Twerp. And Lily used to look after her."

He didn't notice what he had done at first. He had called her a twerp and the implications of it now differed, because he had meant the reveal of the nickname in a nostalgic, affectionate way, and the twins started guffawing again and the faces around the table and near the dirty plates were agog and some laughed at him and his blunt statements, until he realized how it had come out, and he tried to change the subject to Hestia in the present. _God, he had a big mouth!_

"She looks like a Black…tall, dark hair, er… but thank Merlin the personality is different. She would fit right in, in the looks department that is. Except for the eyes, darker eyes run in our family. Mine are gray and Narcissa's are blue," he raised his eyebrows to indicate that they were unfortunately related by genetics," so we are the exception, I guess. Even Tonks has brown. Hestia's resembles the ocean… like a greenish color."

His face looked wistful and romantic, and Hermione who had been studying him carefully, shocked yet moved at the serene expression on his face, choked on her butterbeer.

He looked concerned at the sound and took the bottle from her, handing it to Ron, and gave her a napkin.

"You all right, luv?" he asked kindly.

"Er, she was very nice to me," said Harry. "Well, she seemed thrilled to see me...although just about everyone was looking at me sort of odd." Harry had been sort of sensitive lately.

"What do you mean?" asked Sirius menacingly, itching to tell somebody off.

"Everybody was curious about you, Harry, and almost everyone knew your parents…" reaffirmed Lupin.

"Oh, yeah, er that's right. Pretty excited about the toaster and potato peeler too."

"What are those?" asked Sirius.

"Er, stuff for the kitchen. Muggle household things…they use them for stuff."

"Oh, well, how about that?' Sirius said cheerfully.

And the conversation broke off as Molly sent the younger ones to bed and the adults decided to turn in as well. All except Sirius, who was not tired and a bit disappointed that there would be no meeting tomorrow evening.


End file.
